10 Things I've Done That You Probably Haven't

Here's a fun meme that I found on my new favorite snarky livejournal. So, ten things I've done that you probably haven't (unless you are involved in these stories... I'm looking at Ryan, Diana, and Andrew). Strangely, they all occurred during my youth... none of these are post-college, except for one that happened in India in 2003. I've tried to single out some of the more embarrassing stories of my life for this post, for your maximum pleasure. Enjoy!

1. Ridden a horse backwards. When I was little, I had a pony named Lady. She was incredibly tolerant of all of the stupid things I would do to her, including standing up in the saddle, French braiding her tail, jumping ditches. but the stupidest thing I probably ever did with her was ride her backwards. I went out into the pasture and put her bridle on, intending to ride her bareback for a while. I decided that I would get on and then turn completely around so that I was facing backwards, and I did so. She decided to try running a bit. It was not pretty. Luckily, I managed to flip my legs around so that I was facing forward, and I didn't even fall off. It's really no wonder that I'm kind of scared of horses now.

2. Scared a bunch of people with microwave popcorn. Outsourcing is fun, y'all!

3. Showed up for an audition in period costume. When I was in high school, they were filming a Jesse James movie called Frank and Jesse in my area. Some of it was even filmed at the farm up the road from my parents' farm. Anyway, they had a casting call for extras, and I was a huge drama nerd. So I showed up in what I thought was appropriate 1800s attire (but was actually a dress I picked up at a vintage store, probably someone's bridesmaid dress). I wore the costume because I thought that would impress the casting people. I stood in the freezing cold without a coat on for hours, and then had a tiny interview with one of the casting people. Turns out that most of the shooting was taking place during finals week in school, so I'm going to assume that's why they didn't ever call me back. The movie was crap anyway. (Interesting sidenote: the cavern where I worked as a tour guide in college was actually used as a location in the movie, and I used to have to point that out during tours, because, let's be honest, there wasn't that much exciting stuff to show in the cavern.)

4. Was complimented on my voice when lip-synching Sarah Brightman. Yeah. So, my friend Ryan and I performed (lip-synched) the title song from The Phantom of the Opera at a church talent show. We had a little cardboard boat, dry ice, and everything. Maybe even a strobe light - Lord knows I owned one then. Oh, and I was wearing the same dress from #3 (it also served as part of my Halloween costume for "Jack the Ripper's Victim" in college, and I think I wore it to go see Interview with the Vampire at the movie theater. I was way cool.). Anyway, a little old lady came up to me afterwards and told me what a beautiful voice I had. Anyone who knows me knows that this is untrue. I was stunned, and just thanked her. Oops.

5. Went sledding while dressed as Robert Smith of the Cure. Freshman year of college. We get a big snowstorm, and everyone is out sledding, using cardboard boxes, cafeteria trays, anything they can find, since no one actually has a sled in their dorm room. I'm not exactly sure why, but my best friend (and roommate) Diana and I are both dressed up like Robert Smith. I'm doing the regular look, and she's rocking the "Lullaby" spider look. I'd like to point out that there was no particular reason we were dressed up; I think we just decided to do it for fun. We get bundled up and go out sledding with the rest of the campus dwellers. Bonus: afterward, we relax in the dorm drinking Dr Pepper, which somehow morphs into pretending to make fake commercials with Robert Smith saying "I feel good! Drink Dr Pepper" in the manner of James Brown. P.S. I did not have a boyfriend during this time in my life. Go figure.

6. Been on "Good Morning America." Nowadays, it's pretty easy to get on national morning tv shows; just show up outside the studio with a sign. But in the early 80s, it wasn't like that. Do you remember when "Good Morning America" had groups of people tape promos like "Hi! We're the Arkansas Razorbacks cheerleading squad. Good morning America!" Yeah? Well, my 4-H club did that. We were the Hindsville Helping Hands 4-H club, and I was super young, elementary school age. Anyway, we taped the promo, and I was so excited for it to be on TV. But we somehow missed it - forgot to tape it, or the TV was out with a storm, or something. The only person who taped it had a crappy TV antenna, and the recording was all fuzzy. So much for my moment of glory.

7. Gotten cursed by a gypsy. OK, maybe they do this to everyone they meet. Anyway, I was walking into Leicester Square in London with my friend Andrew (I think it was Andrew, anyway), and we got accosted by these gypsies selling roses. This tiny, old gypsy lady kept trying to get me to buy one. I refused, maybe not very politely. She gave me the most hateful look and said something venomous in another language. I'm assuming it was a curse; it would explain so many things if it was.

8. Castrated a bull calf. Look, I grew up on a farm, alright?

9. Made up a solo tap dance routine on stage in front of hundreds of people. I took tap for 14 years, and each graduating senior at my dance school gets to choreograph and perform a solo at the end-of-the-year recital. I decided to dance to the Pogues' "Metropolis." It was a nice Irish instrumental song, really fun. I booked the dance studio a couple times to create and practice the routine, but I never got very far. So, during the dance recital, I just got up there and danced. Made it up as I went along. That's pretty hard to do with tap, since it's all about combinations of different steps. Even worse: since this was right when Riverdance was super popular, I decided to throw in some Irish step dancing, except - wait for it - I didn't know how to do it. Total disaster. My parents have the video of this recital, and I have never watched it. I doubt that I ever will. No need to relive that experience.

10. Spit a fake tooth across the stage during a play. I was born without one of my teeth (the one next to my right front tooth), so I had a really gappy smile up until high school, when I got a retainer to fix everything. I then had a bridge put in with a fake tooth to fill the hole. Well, since I grind my teeth, I kept popping off the (supposedly permanent) bridge. It happened so often that I would put off going to the dentist to get it reattached yet again. It would stay in place unless I was eating, so I would take it out for meals. This was terribly attractive, by the way. Anyway, I was portraying Ouiser Boudreaux in Steel Magnolias, and a few days before the show opened, my bridge came off. I didn't get it fixed in time. There was a part of the show where I was supposed to drink some coffee and then do a huge spit take. Yep, spit that tooth all the way across the stage. Horror. Without breaking character, I crossed the stage, picked it up, and put it back in my mouth. Guess what? Same thing happened the next night.

Now that I think about it, I didn't have a boyfriend during any of these incidents. Now it's your turn, friends with blogs!!!